TGS:Tacky Geek Showboating

Another year, another Tokyo Game Show filled with long lines and short demos. If you've come here looking for event coverage, you'll be sadly disappointed. However, I'm not one to send guests home empty-handed. Even with the murderous waits and lack of groundbreaking announcements, the cosplay area made it all worthwhile with nonstop laughs that I'd love to share with you all. Behold, the true face of TGS!

Amano-flavored Final Fantasy costumes made up most of the field, but this Kefka stood atop the heap. This girl never stopped dancing mad for the camera.

To the Japanese convention goers, finding a white girl cosplayer rivals the excitement of encountering a shiny Pokemon.

Conversely, for us Japanese bloggers, blackface cosplay is just cause for a letter writing campaign against Square-Enix! Turn on the Debito signal!

Molobro used Bad Breath! A regular breath of fresh air after spending a day shoulder-to-shoulder with an over-ripe crowd.

Chun-Li cosplay is played out, but I have to give her props for using the Player 2 colors. Too bad she's punching herself in the face.

Imposing and unmoving, Mammoth Man watches over the processions with his stern gaze. Who is he? Where did he come from? And why is he hanging out next to the dumpsters? A day at TGS raises more questions than it solves.

The award for Best Use of a Cardboard Mustache goes to this guy for his Dragon Quest priest.

The Japanese take costume construction very seriously, even for bit characters like this Dragon Quest knight. Had this been in America, we would be looking at shoe boxes plastered with used Arby's wrappers.

Forget about the costumes, Japanese cosplayers are all sooooo hot! Wowie! Pucker up, boys!

Something to cleanse the pallet.

The Resident Evil team gets bonus points for their excessive accessories. Check out the first-aid spray and red herb. Oh, that and the bloody William Birkin. Then again, they get marked down for the lack of Barry. Barry? Where's? Barry?

The Fourth Survivor looking smug after snapping Steve's whiny pencil neck.

A lifetime of brawling and fireballs to the face are starting to catch up to this world warrior. Hopefully he has a nest egg saved up in case the LDP goons have run off with his pension money.

Snake setting an example in economic conservation at the cost of his own safety. Could Al Gore be one of the Patriots?

Eat your heart out, Takarazuka.

"Say, this reminds me of my vacation in Thailand a puzzle! I have a dead prostitute weighing 95 pounds and three days before the police trace her back to me. How many pounds of lye do I need?"

That's all the time we have for this year! Anyone else snap some cosplay that wasn't total cheesecake? Be a darling and do tell!

Welcome to Planet Jaguar!

In an unknown star system light years from our own shines a phantom planet: Planet Jaguar. Although the details of this mysterious world are enticing, there are only three things that one must know about Planet Jaguar.

1. There are no wars. 2. There is a nice ocean. 3. It is home to intergalactic rock superstar Jaguar.

The form Jaguar has adopted for our planet.

Jaguar descended onto Earth in the mid eighties, specifically Japan's Chiba prefecture. He purchased broadcast time on the local station to beam his self-made music videos created on an Australian video effector in order to promote his message of love and peace. His weekly five minute show HELLO JAGUAR! ran from 1985 to 1993. During the height of the bubble, his broadcasts spread to neighboring Saitama and Kanagawa, only to silently disperse like an urban mirage when the economic reality of the country caught up to the dream.

His abrupt disappearance only strengthened the myth. Why did Jaguar leave us? Had humanity failed some sort of tacit test? Was there trouble on Planet Jaguar? His believers could only wait. While the VHS tapes of his broadcast may fade with age, never will his memory.

But then in 2005, his broadcast returned as suddenly as it had left! Jaguar had been journeying in his time machine when he accidentally sent himself to the future, hence the ten year absence. The city was so grateful to have him back they paid for his show to be broadcast and helped him produce two half-hour specials.

Hey dads! Don’t cheat on mom! I mean it! OK?!

His second broadcast period ended the following year, but Jaguar continues to beam his message directly into our hearts. Someday, in the not too distant future, I would like to share that message with you. For the time being you’ll have to make do with his website. As Jaguar would say, until next time. Yeah, heh, ah!