Attack of the Fifty Foot Rubber Woman

Hundreds of recovering otaku were sent into shock last weekend as fantasies of their little sister winning the battle against leukemia to grow up into a sex pot were stomped into the dust by a monstrous blowup doll of popular fap fodder Ayase Haruka.



While the house-sized pajama pants had our room wear sexy sensors going off the charts, it's easy to see how long time fans would feel betrayed to see their darling fetish object exposed to radiation and mutated into the frumpy bride of Galactus.



The problem with idols is that they start out cute, but grow up fast into world eating leviathans with love handles to match. Better pick her up one of those scientifically proven Pyramid Powers.



Compound that with the world's fattest camel toe and you'll be thankful to spend the better part of your life in a sexless marriage. If your dutch wife looks like this, file for divorce!

Scummy Manga Reviews #3: Hakaijyu

Title: Hakaijyu (ハカイジュウ)
Serialized in: Shonen Champion Comics, 2010-present
Art and story by: Honda Shingo (本田真吾)
Genre: B-grade sports splatter horror.

What it’s about:

Any given sports manga could be improved if monsters killed off the starting lineup within the first few pages. Imagine, endless volumes of tired clichés and pre-fabricated character arcs liquidated before the first practice. You would only be left with the good stuff—Cock-sure teenagers now pissing themselves in abject terror as they flee from an unknown, unstoppable, malignant force. Hakaijyu delivers a care package from 80’s monster movies topped with a bow fabricated out of bloody jock straps.

Takashiro Akira is your typical high school underdog waiting for his day. He wishes he was a baller, but lacks the chops to make it off the bench and into the game. He’s been living in the shadow of his best friend, Eiji, the team’s golden boy, for the entirety of his basketball career. And to put further strain on their friendship, they both have the hots for the same girl, Miku, whose bipartisan attitude towards them ensures that the iron love triangle forged as children will never be broken. Thankfully, this melodrama is thrown from the cradle to the grave when a Richter six earthquake awakens horrific beasts, who then rise from the bowels of the earth to murderize anyone within tentacles-reach.

The hero, the bully, the honor student, the nerd. This small group of students that escaped the initial attack must now set aside their schoolyard personas and work together towards mutual survival. Teamwork is their sole advantage over the creatures hunting them. For the various species of monsters are competing for the same food source, and resources are dwindling quickly…

Why it’s awesome:

There are two types of brutality in horror films. The kind that reminds you of your humanity, and the kind that makes you sick to be human. I don’t need to watch someone have their eyeball blowtorched or have their fingernails removed for sport. I will, however, pay good money to see some asshole get headbanger face ripped, or drawn and quartered by zombies. Hakaijyu is a gourmet meat lover’s pizza heaped with steaming entrails, still-twitching limbs, and all-purpose gore. It takes us from the sterile prisons patrolled by Eli Roth and back to the creature factories staffed by Rob Bottinz and Stan Winston.

Every character has one redeeming quality, and that is the guarantee that at some point they will die in the most spectacular fashion.

Hakaijyu wastes no time in setting up the desperation of the situation. An early scene drags us along a pulse-pounding chase through an apartment complex from what we think is a pack of toothy pseudopods. They’re slobbering down stairs, crashing through ceilings, and hoisting themselves over balconies. How many of these things can there be? It is only after the cast escapes to the ground floor that they realize that the bundles of slavering jaws all belong to the same bloated monstrosity, who now encircles the building like a titan centipede. Their lives have been saved, but all hope is lost. For across the city, countless variations of the same lumbering silhouettes tower over the skyline like uncontrollable trellises looking to choke out the sun. Humanity is doomed, and it’s only a matter of time before the teens join their classmates in the belly of the beast.

This type of story could only be possible in Shonen Champion. From Eko Eko Azarak to Kyofu Shinbun, the magazine is infamous for its darker, though not necessarily maturer edge. Consider the market leader, Shonen Jump, whose mission is to brainwash children into productive worker drones through their message of friendship and perseverance. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again—Don’t work smarter, just work harder! Hakaijyu presents a philosophy that’s closer to home for teenagers: Entrance Exam Hell looms over everything like an eternal eclipse, friends are more valuable as decoys, and once the academic floodgates open, it’s a never-ending struggle to stay ahead least you be dragged down into oblivion.

Is this a life lesson or a course in Monster Films 101?

Of course, any hints of social subversion are likely accidental. Honda Shingo’s previous work, Ping Pong Dash, was a fight manga where combatants pulverized each other with jerry curl assisted serves and explosive volleys powered by Georgia MAX can coffee. His handling of the subject manner has all the finesse of a child ramming Matchbox cars into each other at top speed. Hakaijyu revels in its puerile stupidity, like a kid in his uncle’s VHS stash grinning from ear to ear as he watches Jason turn people in human accordions.

Why it won't come out in America:

The Creature Feature is an untapped creative resource in manga waiting to be thawed from the ice. If Parasyte is Tremors, an undisputed masterpiece of the genre, then Hakaijyu is the direct to video sequels. Not bad by any means, and definitely serviceable by the standards of most fans, but also not good enough to turn heads or draw a new audience to the fold. Too niche for the mainstream and not underground enough for the hardcore crowd, Hakaijyu will remain marooned on monster island, waiting for its chance to sneak away on a tourist ship and stow away to the mainland.

Wonder Festival 2010 (Summer): Figures

We at TSB pride ourselves on our consistency. You can set your watches to our event coverage which is guaranteed to be delivered a week after the fact. Trust us, it's worth the wait. Enjoy the goods that went under the radar and directly to the kill zone.

Conflict



Nestled between a booth filled with Hatsune Miku figures and another booth filled with Hatsune Miku was our man Conflict, who traveled all the way from Aichi prefecture to show the world how much he loves Life Force/Salamander with his tenderly crafted kits of the Stage 1 and Stage 2 bosses, Golem and Tetran, respectfully. Guys like Conflict who bust their ass only to barely sell enough kits to cover their train ticket home are the heart and soul of Wonder Fest.

Roswell Japan



Zombies are all about the details. The pox marks. The pus. The impossible angle of the foot. This version of Tar Man is everything you could want from the world's first talking brain eater.



Roswell Japan brought along a couple of friends touting the melty monsters from The Thing. Cooler than owning Charles Bronson from Death Wish? You decide.



Kurohige



Kurohige's ad space proclaims that he "answers the dreams of old men everywhere," and this Devil Man with life-like nipples is a proud testament to that. His imposing four foot Daimajin was also back to turn some heads.

T's Facto



Technically I should take off points for the hyper-modern Final Wars design, but this figure's overpowering swagger is enough to cancel out any and all damage done by Kitamura Ryuhei.

Ginyor Zoukei Koubou



While everyone else was content to merely hold a booth, these guys were running a show. Entertainment is the name of the game and they had the crowd eating out of their hand with "fire breathing" Godzillas and miniature props galore. To the other exhibitors: Take notes.

Tamanegi Kokoro



There were plenty of Mega Man figures (and Zero also, but he doesn't count), but none captured their whimsical yet impish design so well as this group. That, and you can't beat Air Man.

One-Two JUSTICE



The classic alien boss from R-Type is an iconic throwback to the time where shooters were king and Giger had his clammy mitts on every prog rock album, horror movie, and action game. This model makes me want to hop inside my PC Engine and fly back to the late '80's.

Lovecraft Busts



You can't say no to those pouty cheeks. The tentacle on the base really seals the deal. This guy had busts of all the big names from the annals of Gothic fiction history, as well as movie monsters from the Golden Age of Universal to Hammer Horror.

Kaijin Oukoku



Oh sure, everyone and their mom makes Kamen Rider kits these days, but how about the entire rogue's gallery? Bonus style points for going with the eclectic mix found in Stronger's Delza Army.

Dummy Head



So maybe The Room wasn't so hot, but that doesn't make this guy's dedication to model each Victim any less impressive. Definitely someone to keep an eye on.

Rainbow Zoukei Kikaku



A whole mountain of Kaiju, all nonsensical and looking bootleg as hell. It would take an elite team of collectors to trace each stolen element back to the source material. Truly the essence of soft vinyl.

Ankama



Jumping from the cover of Amazing Stories, these robots are equipped with the latest positronic brain, ready to clean our homes, automate our factories, and squash our soft flabby flesh.

Velocitron



Velocitron continues to out-geek the geeks with his Girls of Macross Frontier colored Ghouls and Pretty Cure inspired Larvagons. This is either his first step into madness or a brilliant marketing ploy.

Nostalgic Sofvi Collection



Ashura Man comes in a number of flavors with variant limb counts and crying/non-crying versions. These combinations allow for limitless reiterations, all of which are guaranteed to sell because 1) they're awesome, and 2) the kids that grew up with the show need an outlet for their disposable income.

BILLIKEN SHOKAI



Poor Mecha Kong never got so much as a sequel while his robot successor, Mecha Godzilla, went to tear ass through the Toei lot for decades. Now the tables have turned and Mecha Kong is the new hotness. For garage kit makers, anyway.

Aruimi Makezu



Akuma-Kun is another one who doesn't get the love he deserves with his big brother Gegege Kitaro hogging the spotlight.

Flying King Ghidorah



I'm not sure who was responsible for these, but they had several available and ready for you to saddle up and fly off towards Armageddon on.

*BONUS* MYSTERY FIGURE!



This mystery monkey professor was in the corner of my eye the entire day, slowing working its way into my unconscious. Amongst the throng I neglected to identify him and now the question of his identity is eating me alive. Who is he? Friend? Foe? I ask that knowledgeable parties come forward!

That's it for this round of photos. Obligatory cosplay post forthcoming! Check out the gallery for more amazing figures:

wonderfest summer 2010

Ultraman Daizukai Concept Sketches

A small glimpse into Shoji Otomo's Ultra Kaiju Daizukai sketchbook, taken from the out-of-print The World of Shoji Otomo: Kaiju Daizukai

Ultraman

Alien Baltan

Bikon

Guronken

Red King

Mefirasu Seijin

Pestar

Terochirusu

Kamen Rider Amazon's Great Slice

Kamen Rider Amazon's ultimate technique, the Great Slice, as performed from below on Kani Jyuujin

Up From the Depths!

Artstorm tightens their stranglehold as king of giant vinyl toys with their release of Kaiju Gyo!



The beast is loose from the pages of the 1972 horror manga of the same name by Umezu Kazuo. I can't get over the details and chromatic color scheme of each fleshy scale and membranous appendage. Imagine the damage this veritable land shark could do with its double row of teeth.



Gyo attacks! This should put the size of this guy into perspective. He'll eat your other figures for lunch. Seriously, handling it feels like you're cradling a mutant baby dipped in formaldehyde.



As it's common for mythological Japanese creatures, Gyo settle their differences in the sumo ring. Judging by the battle-damaged Baltan Alien standing ringside, refereeing is an occupational hazard waiting to happen.



Quick aside on the Artstorm/Umezu Kazuo Ultraman collaborations:

Umezu Kazuo wrote Ultraman manga for Sun Wide comics in the late 60's. However, given the technology at the time, the production studio only had still photographs from the set to provide for reference materials. Without detailed schematics of the characters, Umezu was forced to fill in the gaps with his imagination, hence the line of Ultraman figures designed with that special Umezu touch. The winged Baltan Alien in particular stands out as an Umezu original.

It's unfair to tease you with these awesome figures once they're already sold out, so luckily we have one extra Kaiju Gyo and Winged Baltan Alien available for sale. Shoot us a mail if you're interested!

Design Festa Vol. 30: Scumy Selections

There was so much going on at this year's Design Festa I don't know where to begin! We already mentioned the putrid princesses fashion show in our previous post, but there's no way you could cover the 2700 booths of artists and artisans over the two day weekend, much less the one Sunday we were there.

Still, we had our Awesome Stuff radar to help us sort through the chaff and bring you the best of Design Festa! Here are a few highlights, but make sure to check out the album for more, plus artist information and links to their homepages.













Warning: Album contains some NSFW images of creepy dolls.

	Click here for way more pics!
Design Festa Vol. 30

Yamomark Custom Show at Kaiju Blue

Growing up with the Ultraman series and Toei monster films gave artist Yamomark a hunger for vinyl figures as a child, a hunger that his parents failed to sate. And we should all be thankful for that! As an adult, the years of suppressed passion for Kaiju exploded as he answered the call. Just last April, he shifted his energies from making handbag clasps to designing toys for the eternally juvenile.

Illustrations of sentai hero Nickel Mask. He's even got his own manga!

Yamomark approaches Kaiju from a different angle than most artists. He takes common motifs from popular kitsch fashion—frogs, mushrooms, and eggplants—and turns them into monsters with slavering jaws and popping pastel colors.

Photos by BloPus and others combine two great tastes--girls and slimy monsters!

These loud figures fit right in with the rest of Kaiju Blue's (English/Japanese) gregarious displays and darkly cute fashion. Expect a detailed write-up in the future. For the time being, go to Yamomark's blog to see his recent creations and stop by Marui-1 in Shinjuku and peep their other limited edition vinyl before it’s too late!

Yamomark Custom Show