Lend me your hand in our salute to Onanism!

In a country where Mormonism is the dominant form of Christianity, it’s surprising that an obscure character from the Bible has become a household name. Perhaps you’ve heard the word onanii (オナニー)or many of its reiterations in reference to masturbation. Onanii purei for excessive solo guitar, or onanii yarou for guys who are jerk-offs. The term itself is derived from the phonetic pronunciation for Onanism, which in turn comes from Onan.

According to the Old Testament, Onan was required by the laws of levirate marriage to provide offspring for his deceased brother by impregnating his brother’s widow. But Onan exploited a loophole in the law. He found that by spilling his seed outside of the vagina, he could have his cake and frost it too. While the pullout method is on the first page of any man’s handbook of sex tricks, its initial discovery by Onan turned the game upside-down and was named Onanism in his honor.

The term now enjoys wide usage throughout Japan. Though technically incorrect, even female masturbation can be referred to as onanii, showing that the average person has no idea where the concept originated. Since many of us intimidate Onan on a daily basis, I feel it only prudent that we acknowledge the master of coitus interruptus.

Kamen Rider Amazon's Great Slice

Kamen Rider Amazon's ultimate technique, the Great Slice, as performed from below on Kani Jyuujin

Snakes in the Studio

Title: Le Parc aux Cerfs (鹿の園)
Serialized in: Manga Joe (1964)
Director: Kazuo Kamimura
Script Writer: Norifumi Suzuki
Genre: Eros horror

King Henry the XV was infamous for many things, but nothing was more decadent than Le Parc aux Cerfs, the “deer park,” his own personal brothel tucked away in the lurid hind quarters of Versailles. Now, two modern masters of the flesh, acclaimed Pinky Violence director Norifumi Suzuki (The Sex and the Fury, Girl Boss Guerilla) and Gekiga artist Kazuo Kamimura (Lady Snowblood) have transplanted the 18^th century house of pleasure to the bustling studio lots of 1960’s Kyoto. Welcome to the Deer Park.

Wakaba paints the city red with passion and gore.

The Deer Park makes its cinematic intentions clear on the very first page. Discarding the conventional writer/artist dichotomy, its credits instead boldly proclaim Script Writer, Director, and Leading Lady. From the bombastic opening narration to the final curtain fall, Kamimura cuts, splices, and seamlessly lays out Suzuki’s films on the page. He reminds us that “Gekiga” means “dramatic pictures,” leading the eye with snappy editing, dynamic angles, and powerful compositions.

There is something rotten going on behind the scenes at Kyoto's fictional To-Oh Studios. Our protagonist, Takayuki Murase, is finally poised to break out as a full-fledged director after a new leading lady, Wakaba Ayanokoji, falls into his lap, both literally and figuratively. All eyes are on the high school beauty who looks eerily identical to her mother, a legendary actress who committed suicide on the set of the erotic thriller A Serpent’s Lust over fifteen years ago.

No one has more stake in this familiar fresh face than internationally acclaimed director, Kenzo Makiguchi, the man who propelled Wakaba's mother to fame. Her death and the ensuing scandal forced him into retirement, but now his starlet has seemingly returned from the grave to finish their long awaited masterpiece. The aging movie master phones in some favors to the studio heads and snatches the nubile actress from Takayuki’s egotistical clutches, but the aspiring director won’t let anyone stand in the way of his success. Takayuki fancies himself as a self-made cinematic revolutionary, a Japanese Julien Sorel opting for pink over black or red. The time has come to put an end to the old guard.

The proceeding power struggle is macabre in its depravity. Takayuki plots with Kenzo’s wife to take her husband out of the picture with carbon monoxide poisoning. Meanwhile, Wakaba proceeds to systematically slither her way into the minds of the men around her, including the now comatose Kenzo. In the world of the morally bankrupt, sex is only commodity of value, empowering those who command it and enslaving those who demand it. Men like Takayuki can only gloat in satisfaction as they go deeper and deeper into debt to the women around them. It’s ironic then, that the real-life studios were as financially destitute as the stars of manga are unscrupulous.

Much like the Norman Mailer novel of the same name, The Deer Park exposes the corrupt going-ons behind the scenes that drove Japan's movie industry into the ground. Even as early as 1964, Suzuki had seen the writing on the wall. By 1963, theater attendance had dropped to half of what it had been during the peak just five years ago. Toei had recently pulled the plug on its child company after two years of lackluster performance. Cinema couldn’t compete with the wonder of television. Though the period saw major creative talent explode onto the scene, such as Teruo Ishii (the Joys of Torture series), Seijun Suzuki (Tokyo Drifter), and Koji Wakamatsu (Ecstasy of Angels), they could only slow down the internal erosion caused by ham-fisted company presidents. Despite the obvious decline, no one dared dream that the Big Studios would come crashing down over the next decade. Nikkatsu would be the first to roll over on it’s back and open itself for Roman Porno in order to keep food on the table, a desperate maneuver that brought shortsighted success and long-term ruin for many.

Suzuki weaves an elaborate parable built upon literary allusion that leaves itself open to interpretation. It can be read as a straight-forward tale of erotic revenge, a biting criticism of the industry, or, after the final shocking twist, re-evaluated as an ero-guro ghost story. The imaginary script A Serpent’s Lust is based on the short tale of the same name by the 18^th century word smith, Akinari Ueda. In it, an academic, albeit useless, young poet crosses paths with a beautiful young woman who reveals herself to be a giant snake with “a lascivious nature.” (Chambers translation.) The would-be director Takayuki is equally naïve, blinded by disillusions of intellectual superiority. In his crusade to save the studio from corruption, he invariably indulges in the same vices he denounces as Wakaba coils around him, tighter and tighter.

Takayuki swears to take pornographic cinema to titillating new heights.

As with the pink films Suzuki would pioneer in the proceeding years, the duo was given total control over creating their masterpiece. The roar of their resumes overpowered all. Obtuse references, slander, and bizzare sex—In the current age of hyper-sanitized serials, the story would be dropped before it was pitched, if not for the content, than by the whims of the despotic editors who dictate industry trends. Le Parc aux Cerfs has found itself overrun by sheep, and the new management has left the grounds to rot.

Blooper role: Kamimura's take on Georgia O'Keeffe (NSFW)

Ghoulish Local Tourism

The otherworldly hosts from Mizuki Shigeru's horror folklore series, Gegege no Kitaro, have been stalking Jr's Sakai Line since 1993 in the form of character themed trains. The four trains feature Kitaro, Neko Musume, Medama Oyaji, and most recently Nezumi Otoko. Each train is decorated like Kitaro's vest with black-and-yellow striped trim, but today the odious Nezumi Otoko received a suitably avarice paint-over.

Picture from Net Nihonkai Newspaper

Bam, solid gold! Or is it week old urine? Either one fits the greedy rat bastard. And think how stylin' you'll be when you roll int the Yokai Amusement Park. It's the next best thing to a ghost train, and it won't actually drag you to Hell, unlike some other Cat Buses that I know.

Two in the Pink: Romantic Pornography Rebirth

From the Back From the Front (Ushiro kara Mae kara)

Check out the trailer here.

Being born ugly is a sin only if you’re ashamed of it. It shows true character to be comfortable in your own skin and accept your shortcomings, regardless of your poor genetics. An attractive personality can go a long way towards salvaging an otherwise hopeless situation. With that said, From the Back From the Front is easily the ugliest Betty I’ve seen in recent years, and also the one I was least embarrassed—rather proud, actually—about taking home.

From the Back is the first of two movies in the recent Roman Porno Returns series that riffs on Nikkatsu’s art house softcore skin flicks from the 70’s and 80’s. Both it and Apartment Wife: Affair in the Afternoon share names with legendary Pink Films, though the similarities are superficial at best. The original From the Back caused quite the stir for its sultry title track performed by the film’s starlet turned harlot, Yoko Hatakanaka. On the other hand, no one raised an eyebrow at the star of the modern reimagining, the over-30 nudie model, Tomomi Miyauchi.

Our heroine Momoko works as a taxi driver who, after failing yet again to meet her monthly quota, stands to lose her job if she can’t bring her fares into the black. Drawing inspiration from the world’s oldest profession, her new business model has men lining up around the block for the ride of their life, giving new meaning to the phrase “yellow cab.” Everything seems peachy until the fuzz come crashing down hard and fast, and Momoko finds herself fleeing cross-country with a handsome stranger. And there’s something about his touch that brings back memories lost during the motorcycle crash that killed her boyfriend not so many years ago…

Just to clarify, the plot revolves around an amnesiac prostitute who works out of her taxi and has flashbacks when given proper stimulation. More thought has gone into the script than your average porno film, but this isn’t an average porno film—It’s a Roman Porno, or at least is branded as one, and as such it must adhere to genre conventions. In Nikkatsu’s case, this includes one nude scene every ten minutes (check), the concealment of genital by any means necessary (clever placement of potted plants, check), and total artistic freedom so long as the producers deliver the goods (questionable but negligible).

You see, there’s no way that a true Roman Porno revival could happen in today’s social climate. Joe Public isn’t ready for it, and the censorship laws that killed the films off in the mid-80’s still prowl the studio lots like watchdogs. But first-time director Shoichiro Masumoto (supporting character in every B-movie from the past 10 years) was smart . He and his crew resigned themselves to the fact that they wouldn’t be changing anyone’s lives on their budget. They had no message to sell or artistic egos to stroke. This left their hands free to handle more important issues, like gags and nipple placement. The result—An unintentional masterpiece.

Films shot digitally look cheap, and From the Back is no exception. Normally such shoddy productions take me out of the movie, but in rare instances such as this they play to its strengths. Too many B-movies try to overcompensate for what they are, either by being purposefully ugly (Machine Gun Girl) or trying to hide their pockmarked genetics with layers of glam (One-Chan Bara). From the Back makes no excuses for what it is.

Japanese audiences are notorious for turning into stone-faced statues as soon as the theater lights go down, but even they were couldn’t keep their composure in the face of the irreverent humor and ramshackle plot. The jokes build on themselves like a well-lubed cheer pyramid that climaxes in one last awful pun before tumbling down upon the audience. If you find super sexualized schlock like Flesh Gordan to be comedic gold, you need to wrangle the troops together and head down to Shinjuku’s Euro Space theater ASAP to see this gem before it gets put away in a museum.

In the meantime, enjoy the 1980 classic track that started it all:

Мишка Tokyo

With such sick, sick colorways and sophisticated parody designs of old toys, horror, comics, punk and metal nonsense it is no surprise that Mishka clothing has become the cornerstone of our wardrobes over the past few years. As if the guys at Mishka didn't think that their majority share of our closet space was enough, they've gone and set up shop in our backyard to make sure that we never wear anything else ever again!

Stop by their new shop at 3-28-5 Jingumae in Harajuku (MAP) to give your fashion sense a heavy dosage of re-agent and stick around to take in the decor, which includes vintage bootleg Madballs, dozens of pink skulls, a Masters of the Universe graveyard and an insane Lovecraftian chandelier!

Behind the counter they've also got a showcase of vinyl toys featuring not only their own in-house figures, but also the creations of local monster molders such as Velocitron. I get the feeling that this place is going to mutate into something far beyond just a clothing store. Only time will tell what the boys at Mishka are plotting for Tokyo.